A journey into Hell at Benihana

We desperately wanted to like Benihana. Having sampled a branch of these pseudo Japanese/American, ‘dinner as theatre’ hybrids in Florida a few years back, we had a fair idea of what to expect. Yes, it was going to be tacky, no the food wasn’t going to have anything to do with real Japanese cooking but, if taken in the right spirit – or if taken with enough spirits – Benihana could be great fun we thought. So, we descended into the cavernous Kings Road branch one Saturday afternoon fully open to embracing the kitsch and going with the flow.

Unfortunately, either we’ve grown too old or Benihana has because what greeted us that loathsome Saturday was as crusty and tired an experience as you’re likely to come across in a restaurant.

You see, kitsch, it turns out, is a very delicate thing. Like cream, it can so easily curdle and effectively tip over from ‘tongue in cheek fun’ into just plain ‘bad’. We’re sorry to report, Benihana, has long since fallen into that abyss.

We’re not going to spend much time on this review. It’s not worth our time and it’s certainly not worth yours. Here’s what you need to know: the food is bland (to the point where it doesn’t much matter what you order – it all tastes the same), the décor tired, and the whole experience outrageously expensive for what it is. The novelty of having your food prepared and cooked in front of you simply doesn’t come anywhere near to making up for the rest.

Ignore our advice at your peril. If you do, you’ll find yourself walking down the stairs into this dark, dirty, soulless underground space like a character from Dante. The only illumination as you descend into the dining room is the occasional flash of a towering flame coming from Benihana’s ‘trademark’ burning onion funnel. When this happens, take careful note of the expression on the faces of the poor, so-called chefs: they look as bored and trapped as their audience.

We were hoping for divine comedy; what we got was more like an inferno.

Benihana, 77 Kings Road, London SW3, Tel: +44 20 7376 7799